Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Professor X's
by silverkat1620
Summary: Rule 5. I do not have the ability to tell the future via Magic 8 ball.


Things I Am Not Allowed to Do at Professor Xavier's Academy for Gifted Children

This is based on the List of 213 Tings Skippy is Not Allowed to do in the U.S. Army. Please note that this is all in good fun and not meant to offend anyone. If you have any suggestions of things that should be added to the list, I'd love to hear them. ^_^

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**Disclaimer -** I do not own these characters or the idea of the Skippy List. Please don't sue me, as I am poor.

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**_Things I Am Not Allowed to Do at Professor Xavier's Academy for Gifted Children_**

1.) I will not rub the electricity sensitive students with balloons to watch them spark.

2.) I will not take bets on who gets to sleep with Jean Grey this week, Mr. Summers or Logan.

**I will definitely not take bets on how long it takes Dr. Grey to talk them into a threesome.

**Nor will I bribe Dr. Grey for a film of the event to post on YouTube.

**No matter how well it would improve the image of mutants in the public eye.

3.) I will not hand out condoms to Rogue's suitors with the suggestion, "be creative".

4.) I will not lock St. John and Bobby in a closet together and take bets on the outcome.

**I will not lock anyone in a closet together, for any reason.

**I will not install video cameras in the closets of the mansion.

5.)I do not have the ability to tell the future via Magic 8 ball.

6.) I do not have the ability to change into a superhero by yelling "Shazam!"

** Alternatively, nothing happens if I yell "By the power of Greyskull!"

7.) I am not allowed to setup a website titled "Hot-Mutant-Coed's".

8.) It is not appropriate to think dirty limericks when encountering Professor Xavier.

**Nor to hum "The Song that Never Ends".

9.) I will not fill Logan's trailer with dog biscuits.

10.) I will not refer to Remy as "the Ragin' Cajun".

**Not even if he found it appropriate.

11.) I will not hire Remy to pull a panty raid.

12.) I will not hire St. John to blow up anything as a distraction.

13.) I will not tell new students that Sabertooth is just "a big fluffy kitty, really".

14.) Nobody is interested in my ability to engorge any part of my anatomy.

15.) Nobody wants to see my rash.

16.) The ability to mimic the sound of nails on chalkboard, while unique, is to be repeated only at the risk of my own dismemberment.

17.) I will not refer to Cyclops as "the old woman".

18.) I will not refer to Mr. Summers as Mr. Summers while in a combat situation.

19.) I will not refer to Mr. Summers as "mom".

20.) I will not refer to Jean Grey as "dad".

21.) I am to never, ever do that thing with my eyebrows again.

22.) It doesn't matter if Logan started it.

23.) I am not to dare Kitty to go through a wall, especially not when it leads to a 4-story drop into the lake.

24.) Magneto did not invent the refrigerator magnet, and I should stop saying he did.

25.) When a teacher scolds me for showing up late to class, it is inappropriate to point out the hickey on his neck.

26.) Logan will not be amused if I growl when he walks by.

27.) I will not ask Toad to demonstrate his "wicked tongue" for me.

28.) No matter how often you comment that "it's just a jump to the left", the rest of your class will not suddenly sing "and then a step to the right...".

29.) My name is not Inigo Montoya, Magneto did not kill my father, and he does not need to prepare to die.

30.) I will not refer to Professor Hank McCoy as "Fluffy".

31.) Telling freshman that Thor will come down on them with all his wrath if they don't obey my will does _not_ make me Odin.

**Having met Thor does not negate the rule.

32.) I did not see a porno like this once.

33.) If it makes me giggle for more than 20 seconds I am to assume it is not allowed.

**If it makes Remy giggle for more than 20 seconds I am to report both of us to Professor Xavier for an emergency mind wipe.

34.) I am not under any circumstances (and especially not while in battle with the Brotherhood) to say "I love the smell of Napalm in the morning."

35.) I am not the Professor of Kicking Your Ass.

**Logan dislikes it when people steal his titles.

36.) I am not allowed to purchase anyone's soul.

37.) Remy's cunning, John's fire, and my plan are not enough to storm the Capitol Building.

38.) I am not allowed to refer to members of congress as "that rollicking band of idiot jackasses".

**Especially not while one is in hearing range.

39.) I am not allowed to "flash" the press.

40.) I am not allowed to switch out Remy's playing cards, for the dirty kind.

**Not even if he asked me to get them for him.

41.) Quicksilver and The Scarlet Witch are named Pietro and Wanda not Luke and Leia.

42.) I am not to throw paper clips and loose change at Magneto to see if they stick.

43.) For my safety and the safety of all those around me I am no longer allowed to touch, clean, or look at Dr. McCoy's CD collection.

44.) My code name is not Bambi, Maurice the Amazing, Elizabeth the Great, or Princess Anastasia.

45.) As it has been proved that I do not have any post-cognitive psychic ability, I may not have flashbacks to wars I was not involved in.

** I may not have flashbacks to any tragedy that I was not legitimately involved in.

**Throwing water around the dorm room and screaming "I'll never let go Jack!" does _not _count as a flashback to when the Titanic sank. I am still not allowed to do it.

46.) I must not flaunt my deviances in front of the new kids, or Mr. Summers.

47.) I am no longer allowed to tell the joke about the Amazing Mutant Pianist.

48.) I am not allowed to call the civilians Muggles.

49.) "I'm drunk", is a bad answer to any question posed by Mr. Summers.

50.) "Lights out", does not mean, "for all of Westchester".

51.) Jean Grey is not the Second Coming.

52.) Professor Xavier is not going to say, "Energize", no matter how much I beg.

**Nor will he say, "make it so".

53.) It is in extraordinarily bad taste to yell German cuss words while battling Magneto.

54.) Stop asking if Mystique is naked under her scales.

55.) My mutation is not that of Supreme Dalek Commander.

56.) Magneto is not the Supreme Dalek Commander.

57.) There are no Ents in the forests of Westchester.

58.) I will not refer to The Blackbird as The Millennium Falcon

59.) I will not refer to Dr. McCoy as Chewie.

60.) Not allowed under any circumstances what so ever to ask Ms. Monroe who died and put her in charge.

61.) I will not ask Warren if his wings are compensating for anything.

62.) I will not tell new kids that Logan chases cars, and bite the mailman.

63.) I am not to set off an EMP, "just to see what happens".

64.) Do not call St. John a flamer.

65.) I am not to hum _Ice, Ice Baby _when I encounter Bobby in the hallways.

66.) I may not reprogram the Danger Room.

67.) Jean Grey does not have spanking privileges.

**Neither does Logan.

68.) Nobody wants to see my scar.

69.) I do not have the authority to arrange cage matches for public viewing.

**Nor may I take bets on the outcome

**Nor may I broadcast it on the web at $2.00 a minute.

70.) The Blackbird is not for joyrides.

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Thank you for reading. ^_^


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